On Alias

The Great and Powerful Me

By Amy Berner

Congratulations, pilgrim. You have unearthed this manuscript, which shall enlighten you regarding the workings of my superior mind. Of course, I knew that you would succeed in this undertaking. I am Milo Giacomo Rambaldi. I know everything. I must confess that my enormous intellect and tremendous amounts of talent in more disciplines than you could conceive is sometimes a burden. Omniscience can be a difficult cross to bear. But innate superiority is not a burden so easily relinquished.

For example, I already know that one whose star rose to prominence in the mid-twentieth century by nefarious means will use the name “Nostravinci” in reference to me. I must tell you that I am already quite insulted. Leonardo da Vinci is a younger colleague of mine, and his supposed brilliance is only the result of his craven eavesdropping of my own private conversations. He is, in the term that will be used over five centuries hence, a “wanna-be.” As far the one who will be called Nostradamus, I foresaw not only his coming, but also how he stumbled across a few of my more minor prophecies and a corrupted version of a certain formula that revealed a few basic concepts of cell regeneration. Any accolades given to these two individuals are truly due to me.

But do I receive the accolades from the world’s population that I so richly deserve? No. Not currently, and not at the time of your reading. This sad fact is the fault of Claudio Vespertini, who, by unfortunate  …

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