On Pride and Prejudice

Gold Diggers of 1813

By Jo Beverley

“A Gift from Heaven,” to the tune of “Hey, Big Spender”

Mrs. Bennet:

The minute I heard about our neighbor,
I knew at once he was a gift from heaven
A rich, single man, dear.
Five thousand
And Netherfield!
He has to meet our dear daughters
Ahead of the field.

We need you to call right away.
A chance like this just doesn’t hang on every tree!
My dear Mr. Bennet,
Please call–for your daughters and me!

Chorus of daughters:
We’re so glad you’ve moved near.
(There’s two, girls! Two!)
Please attend our assembly.
We’ll make sure you enjoy it!

Being new to the area . . .
(Bingley! Darcy!)
. . . you must want to see the country.
We can show you our . . . beauty spots.

Mrs. Bennet:
Now that we’ve met our charming neighbor.
I’m convinced he is a man of perfection,
Ideal for sweet Jane.
Only think, dear,
What comes with a ring.
He can provide for her sisters when you haven’t done a thing.

And then there’s Elizabeth and Darcy.
I fear the man’s too proud to ever bend the knee.
But, oh, Mr. Bennet,
Oh, Mr. Bennet,
Ten thousand and Pemberley!

Elizabeth Bennet linked with the good-time girls of the show Sweet Charity? Horrors! And, of course, she does stand against the guiding principle of her world by twice refusing offers of marriage from eligible men of property. However,  …

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