Rex is pretty much nocturnal so we’re sort of like ships passing in the night. As an extra treat, once in a while I drop a Cheez Doodle into his cage and he emerges from his soup-can home to retrieve the Doodle. That’s about as complicated as our relationship gets.

—Stephanie Plum, Eleven on Top (6)

Complications. That is the keyword for Stephanie Plum’s relationships with men, whether romantic, familial, or work-related. For a dozen books, we’ve watched Stephanie Plum ping pong between Ranger and Joe Morelli. Time and time again, when asked about her social life, she replies, “It’s complicated.” And it is—almost beyond comprehension. No one doubts she loves both men—and she’s finally admitted the fact herself—but will she ever work through the complications to actually choose one? Doubtful. Steph sums it up pretty well in Eleven on Top: “They’re both Mr. Right. And they’re both Mr. Wrong.... I wasn’t sure I wanted a relationship with either of them. And I hadn’t a clue how to choose between them” (4).

Well, here’s a thought. Don’t! Don’t choose between them. And don’t choose either of them. Why? Because if neither are Mr. Right, perhaps it’s because there is already another guy in Stephanie’s life, one who is being grievously overlooked in this equation. A better candidate than either of these fine gentlemen. I, of course, refer to Rex the Hamster. Yes, Rex the Hamster is the perfect man for Stephanie. Don’t believe me? Let’s look  …