PERSONAL AND CONFIDENTIAL

Report on the Feasibility of Expanding Mafia Operations into Trenton, New Jersey

Boss, at your request, I have reviewed the possibility of expanding the Family’s operations into Trenton, New Jersey. Since the airlines’ tighter controls on hidden weaponry made it extremely difficult to visit the area safely in person, I sought out private accounts of residents in the belief that the people who live there know the area better than any casual visitor could glean in a few days. Luckily, the very information I needed fell off the back of a truck—a series of numbered diaries belonging to Trenton bounty hunter Stephanie Plum, as told to a woman named Janet Evanovich. After perusing them closely, I believe Ms. Plum’s diaries provide exactly the information you need to make an informed decision. My observations follow.

Community/People

There are a number of residential areas in Trenton, but if you choose to relocate, the diaries indicate your best bet would be Chambersburg, known as “the Burg.” Though houses are small and residents tend to hold on to them for life, it is possible to find (or make) occasional property available through death, marriage, or incarceration. In addition, the area is primarily Italian and Catholic, giving it that neighborly feel. The production of urea formaldehyde and the collection of offshore garbage in other parts of New Jersey gives the rest of Trenton a unique and unpleasant aroma, but the Burg is redolent of the scent of pizza (or tomato pie, as  …