You honor, ladies and gentlebeings of the jury, my esteemed colleagues; thank you for your kind attention. We are here today to try a most complex case, one which on the surface appears simple, but most assuredly is not. The defendant stands accused of multiple plot holes, inconsistency and contradictions of internal logic; in his defense, I intend to take a somewhat controversial approach to the subject, one whose direction will not immediately be made clear. Please bear with me.

First of all, let us define our parameters. While I will cite evidence from the initial three films—hereby known as Episodes IV, V and VI—most of my arguments will focus on the most recent trilogy, hereby known as Episodes I, II and III. It is these three films which have borne the brunt of these accusations, and thus these three films which I will address.

Let us examine the evidence.

In Episode I—a.k.a. The Phantom Menace—an important element of the plot concerns a podrace, the outcome of which will determine whether or not the protagonists will be able to leave the planet. Our heroes are able to manipulate those with weak minds—but the mechanic who can fix their ship, unfortunately, is from a race immune to such “Jedi mind tricks.”

Certain questions immediately spring to mind. Do they:

A) seek another mechanic?

B) find someone with a weaker mind and a working ship?

C) find someone willing to accept Republic currency, to which they have access to a whole bunch of?

Sadly,  …