On James Bond

"My Name is Coochie McPantsless, What's Yours?"

Our Top Ten Bond Girls of All Time
By Harry Elliott, Erin Dailey

What makes a Bond movie a Bond movie? Is it the opening sequence with Bond in the bloody iris and the all-too-familiar accompanying theme music? Is it a consistently amusing and bemused Q with his array of spy gadgets and gear? Is it the Aston Martins and BMW coupes and Versace tuxes and diamond cufflinks and martinis shaken-not-stirred? Is it the super-villains with the whacked-out hair and/ or teeth who are set on world domination?

The simple answer is: all of the above.

These things are all essential to the “Bondishness” of a Bond movie. But let’s face it, even with all of these elements intact, a Bond movie would not be a Bond movie without one teeny-tiny, itty-bitty little thing.

The Bond girls.

A Bond movie without at least two Bond girls is simply not a Bond movie. The Bond girl is a special breed of beast that is specific only to the Bond Movie. They simply don’t exist anywhere but the Bond universe. Really, where else could you come across a never-ending supply of women who are gorgeous, dangerous, possibly duplicitous, occasionally helpless, often expendable, and who have really nice racks?

What? We’re not being rude. Bond girls are hot. They’re supposed to be hot. And they’re supposed to have nice racks. We can say that. There is no political correctness in the Bond universe, thank you very much. So don’t get all up in our kitchens and demand that we refer to the Bond girls as Bond Women. They’re not women. They’re  …

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