24 Aug 2005

Attn: Mr. Erik Lehnsherr
Satellite M
Constant Orbit above Cities of Man
Marvel-Earth, Multiverse

Dear Erik:

First off, I want to thank you for taking time from your busy schedule of fi ghting superheroes, soliloquizing and plotting the overthrow of human civilization long enough to read these few words by a mere member of baseline humanity. I understand that these words, however pertinent, make demands on your time that you’re likely not able to afford, what with all the other supervillains and megalomaniacs out there plotting their own assaults on the halls of power. I assure you that I will try to keep this missive brief and to the point.

Secondly, I must extend my best wishes for your health and the health of your family. I heard about what happened to your daughter, Wanda. I was most sorry to hear it and can only hope that with therapy, and perhaps a reality-altering crisis or two, she may enjoy a complete recovery. My best to Pietro, as well. Tell him he’s a hard guy to catch up with. Ha, ha.

Thirdly, I must assure you that I write these words with all possible respect and with no intention of causing you irritation or pain. Believe me, the last thing I want to do is invite your anger. I know that most people in your profession, yourself included, have historically reacted to the interference of mere human beings by “chastising” them for their “effrontery.” I can only beg you not to imprison me in twisted  …