— BY A SPECIAL COLUMNIST TO MARTINI MAGAZINE —

You know how it is. You’re at some swanky art party at the Russian embassy, and you’re just about to rig a miniature explosive device in the shape of a mushroom tartlet to blow the anti-American communications system sky high, when it happens. You meet HIM. The one. You know he’s the one by the smolder in his eyes and the way his shoulders shift as he leaps for cover the second your bomb goes off. Too bad you have to run for the stealth jet parked on the roof before you can give him your number. Also too bad you’re going to be deep undercover in a Siberian prison for the next three months. How can you get in contact with the man of your dreams? And if you even can make contact, how can you make sure he’ll be yours forever? Especially considering your main occupation happens to require that you be a martial arts expert with the ability to change disguises faster than you can change your mind?

Face it. You’re a spy. And your love life sucks because of it.

Well, you’re not alone. According to Dr. Irene Derevski,¹ nine out of ten female spies have difficulty maintaining a healthy and successful love life. “Being a spy is never easy,” the good doctor² told us, “but being a spy in a relationship is next to impossible—even non-spy relationships are full of lies and deceit. Imagine: your whole life is a  …