Dear Aunt Charlotte,

I have a feeling this is going to be a very unusual sort of letter. You see my problem isn’t a real problem; it’s fictional. I’ve always been the sort of girl who gets far too obsessed with books, and right now I’m obsessed with the Twilight series. You may have heard of it—it’s the story of Bella, a teenage girl forced to choose between two wonderful guys: her best friend Jacob and her boyfriend Edward.

Edward is romantic and wonderful and says things like, “Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night.” He even wanted to pay for her to go to college. Jacob is kind and strong and capable of total devotion. There’s something else I should mention: Edward is a vampire, and Jacob is a werewolf, so of course for a long time they hated each other, and not just because of Bella. Even though the series is over now and Bella picked Edward (and Jacob fell in love with their daughter—long story), none of my friends can agree on which guy Bella should have chosen. I thought maybe your extensive experience advising people about relationships could help me make up my mind. Who would Bella have been better off with—Edward or Jacob? The vampire or the werewolf?

Yours,

A distraught fan of Twilight

Dear Twilight fan,

Aunt Charlotte is indeed familiar with the books in question, and let me tell you, I understand your distress. It’s always hard to choose between wonderful guys, and since fictional  …