April 26th, 2010Today’s guest post is from Natasha Fondren, who shares a little bit behind her Ardeur essay below and also asks the readers (you!) some pretty interesting questions. Answer those questions in the comments section and don’t forget to check out her essay, “The Domestication of a Vampire Executioner,” in its entirety for the next week.
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Isn’t finding happiness hard enough? Why oh why, then, do we sometimes make it so difficult for ourselves? Especially when what gives us happiness is “different” or not “normal.” In my Ardeur essay on Laurell K. Hamiltons’s Anita Blake series, I explored Anita’s alternative journey with her men to domestic happiness, in “The Domestication of a Vampire Executioner.”
While writing the essay, I was contemplating a huge change to a different lifestyle—living full-time in an RV and making the whole country my home. As I wrangled with my worries, Anita’s moral and emotional struggle to discover, accept, and live her differences inspired me.
Scientists say that humans are genetically 99.8% the same as each other. You wouldn’t know it, for all the strife over our differences. But it is our differences that make us who we are, make us special, and define us.
Is it possible to know who we are without comparing ourselves to others and learning how we are the same and how we are different?
This comparison often leads us to the question: is it okay to be different? I love that Anita never asks this of the world; she asks it of her own moral code, ruthlessly respecting and questioning—in equal measure—the ethics of her “Midwestern, middle-class value system.” (Narcissus in Chains)
In my essay, I follow how protecting and loving her men brings her closer to domestication, and especially how Nathaniel (my favorite character!) is most instrumental in opening her heart and building a home.
Yes, her lifestyle is pretty different: Anita lives with two men, and there are plenty more in the wings to help her control the ardeur.
But really, how different is it? It’s human nature to love and to seek love. No matter who or how many you choose to love, it’s like the movie, Moulin Rouge, says: “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.”
How are you different? Have you ever wrestled with your differences? Have you ever taken a leap away from normal in order to find happiness? To live your authentic life? And do you have a favorite character in the series?
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at 5:26 pm
I’m different I think in my approach to publishing and find it hard sometimes to relate to those who get wrapped up in mainstream publishing. Since really sitting and thinking it through, it doesn’t fit my life. So it’s a little hard to relate.
And of course I can’t stand to work for other people. It’s not laziness, I’m just too independent.
Then there are personal issues that make me different.
I always envied Anita getting to live in a threesome with two hot men. I mean, dude. Sign me up for that problem!
at 5:33 pm
Seriously, Zoe! And let’s not forget Jean-Claude in the wings. Yum, yum, yum. Oh right, and Asher! *drools*
I admire your independence!
at 7:46 pm
Reminds me of that scene in “The Life of Brian” where he stands at the window and shouts, “You’re all individuals” and the whole crowd chants back, “We’re all individuals.”
“I’m not!”
at 8:14 pm
Omg, Mark! Now there’s a trip back! I suddenly feel the need to watch it again, lol!
at 7:48 pm
Interesting. I never saw Anita as “daring” to be different, but rather being dragged along by different, kicking and screaming. Now I have to go read your essay to see where you shoot down my theory.
I haven’t read any Anita in a while, but my favorite character from the series was Edward, the assassin.
at 8:15 pm
Avery, I’d say that you are spot on correct. “Kicking and screaming” is definitely a good description for it. She sure does a lot of moralizing!
Really? I’ll be interested to see what you think of the “Edward” section in my essay…
at 8:37 pm
I’ve always felt different but never actually pinned down in what way. Every time I’ve thought I’ve had the answer, say that I’m nonconformist or a loner I have come to realize plenty of other people are just like that. I guess we all feel different, because we all are different. There’s a great Kinks song from the sixties (but they still perform it in concert) I’m Not Like Everybody Else. It’s a wonderful song and, ironically, everyone can identify with it.
at 9:11 pm
Eric, I had to go to YouTube and check that song out. You’re right. That is odd. I never thought of it that way, but if we can all identify with feeling different, how different are we? LOL!
at 9:10 pm
Differences: I often wonder why I wake up every morning in this same body. It just seems that with TV and movies, you should be able to channel surf more between people’s realities every day. So I guess I take a leap away from normal every time I open my eyes and find out it’s still me, and not you or you or even you behind these eyes. And every time I realize I’m stuck in this body and not some weight-lifter’s or sleek chic woman’s.
I took a leap from normal when I went to live in France for a year in college. Excellent choice. And I took another when I took the family to Hawaii the first time. (Our family vacationed mostly to edifying or family settings, not pleasure islands.) Another leap into weird territory was that recent brain surgery–not planned, but it helped me live–authentically, or otherwise. I own my leaps, but might not be so happy with someone else’s.
Vivent les differences.
at 9:16 pm
Oh man, Amy. I’d love to wake up in some sleek chic’s body some morning! And wow, France for a year! That sounds like a dream. I’ve wanted to go to Hawaii, too, but I haven’t been yet. Geeze, some adventurer I am.
at 11:57 pm
My wife likes to tell me, “You’re not normal.” She doesn’t mean it as a compliment.
I always answer, “Thank God for that.”
at 12:15 am
Amen to that, Stephen! Definitely something to be grateful for!
at 7:52 am
From small differences, it appears that great conflicts grow. I grew up quite a bit different from anyone in my family. I was the only one interested in science fiction, fantasy and horror, and by far the biggest reader. I was also almost always a loner, although that certainly isn’t unique. I became comfortable with my differences after I got past the awkward teenage years and since then I’ve just enjoyed them. Good essay.
at 10:25 am
Charles, it’s funny you should say that. When I first wrote this blog post, I quoted a statistic that we’re all, genetically, about 98% the same as each other. It’s so true about small differences bring great conflict.
I enjoy my differences, too.
And yours!
at 8:25 am
I’ve often felt that I missed getting a gene that other people have. Seriously. It’s good to know that I’m not alone. Maybe we all feel that we’re not normal.
I guess this means we’re all special.
at 10:27 am
Edie, I often feel that way, too. And I think you’re right. And I LOVE your spin on it. We’re all definitely special!
at 6:02 pm
Oh, this is great timing, Natasha. All day today (and for the past several days) I’ve been struggling with the fact that I don’t want the life my daughter and all the people I’m surrounded with want. I genuinely want to drop out of society and try to live as self-sufficiently as possible. My kid and friends are horrified.
Nevertheless, she’s turning 18, and I’m 46 – I figure I don’t have that many “good” years left, and I’d like to spend them making myself happy for a change.
And yes, we’re all special snowflakes. Just like everyone else.
at 6:58 pm
Kate, I hear you! We live in a very materialistic society, and at least for me, things have too high a price tag and they don’t make me happy. Getting rid of almost all my stuff was the best thing I ever did. I don’t miss a thing, and having drastically cut the price of my lifestyle, I’m free to work hard at the things I love, rather than always chasing the next purchase with work that doesn’t fulfill me.
But yeah, when I told my mother I was moving into a tiny camper, she was horrified. She wanted me to have a house! A couch! Things! I honestly don’t get it. I had those things, and they didn’t make me happy. I love my life now.
So… whatever you decide, good luck, Kate!
at 3:32 am
Oh man, Amy. I’d love to wake up in some sleek chic’s body some morning! And wow, France for a year! That sounds like a dream. I’ve wanted to go to Hawaii, too, but I haven’t been yet. Geeze, some adventurer I am.
at 8:46 am
I’m like Charles, as a child the small differences made me alien, a puzzlement, an exasperation to my family.
Now, I keep most of them secret, though I’m obviously reclusive.
at 11:51 am
Bernita, I’m the opposite of you, in that I kept most of mine secret, but now I let them all hang out, LOL. But I’ve always been a puzzlement, so I’m not sure I was so good at the secret thing, LOL!
at 9:59 pm
I’m like Charles, as a child the small differences made me alien, a puzzlement, an exasperation to my family.
Now, I keep most of them secret, though I’m obviously reclusive.